Be the change…

In case you haven’t noticed, I changed the theme and layout of the blog. I feel like this is a little bit easier to read and it looks a bit more mature.
I want you all to know that I will be doing a better job of updating this thing! I know that I’ve been slacking but I’m going to change that. The title of this post is perfect for what I want to say because there have been a lot of changes in my life lately and I plan on sharing them all with you.

As you know, I turned 25 a little over a month ago and I continue to reflect on my past and re-evaluate who I want to be in the future. I want to travel more, I want to volunteer on a weekly basis, I want to make a difference in my community by giving back, I want to project love and acceptance to everyone I meet. I thought that the only way I could do this, would be to go to school and get a degree. I thought this was my only option at success because of what was shoved down my throat as a child/teenager. We as a society put way too much pressure on our youth to get a college education when that doesn’t necessarily mean a job will be there in the field that you studied. I have family members and friends who got a college degree only to turn around and get a job that is 100% completely different. I don’t want that for myself or for my children. So because of this, I will not be going back to school. School and I have never gotten along. Don’t get me wrong, I love learning; I just love to do it on my own terms and on my own time! I don’t want to continue spending thousands of dollars a year on schooling when I’m not completely sure what I truly want to be when I grow up.

When I look 5, 10, or even 15 years into the future, the Jessica I see is a “Stay-at-home mom”. She’s helping her (hopefully) husband run his mechanic shop. She’s volunteering at her local homeless shelters and youth outreach programs. When I picture myself there, I’m happy and excited for it. This is how I know that that is the right path for me right now. My goals and dreams are still there, but they are ever changing and probably will be for the rest of my life. I’ve always been the type of woman who couldn’t make up her mind. I like having options and choices, and I like being able to change my mind on a moment’s notice.
There are a few people in my life that I worry I’m letting down with my decision but I have to keep telling myself that this is my life, not theirs. I’m the one making the tuition payment, not them. I am the one who has to wake up and feel happy every day with my own personal choices. I’m sending out a request to you all; when you see me trying to justify myself to others, please make me stop! I’m tired of trying to make others happy and putting myself on the back burner, and I need to focus on myself and my health first.

For those of you who are worried or interested in my current weight loss situation:  I’m not going to lie, I’ve been slacking there too!  I joined this group on social media called “The Fit Girls” and they have their own ‘guide’ that has a breakdown of the food you eat everyday and the exercises you do daily.  They have a 28 day starter program that I’m starting on September 14th so I will be updating more often once that starts.  I’ve seen the progress pictures of the women who have gone through the 28 day program and I’m pretty impressed!  I don’t know if it will be something that I continue for the rest of my life, but it’s a kick start that I need.  I know that I said that about the boot camp I joined but I don’t think that I had hit rock bottom at that point.  I feel like I’ve hit it and I’m ready to have a new, healthy relationship with food and exercise.  I know that once I start to get more active and eat the right foods at the right time, other things in my life that haven’t been right will start to improve.

Thank you all for reading and showing support for my choices.  I will post again soon, promise.



It’s the early morning of  my 25th birthday and I’m realizing just how much I’ve accomplished vs. how much I have yet to do.  I’ve graduate high school, been to college away from home and had that whole experience, worked a couple of jobs I’ve hated and few I’ve liked and bought a new car (just to name a few).  I’ve lost some friends and gain a couple new ones.  The ones I’ve lost have left a very large impression on my life and one in particular stands out for me.  She was my best friend in high school and for a few years after.  She was there for me during the awful years of braces, the wrong color concealer and gave me the reality check I needed when the boy I was infatuated with left me hanging and broke my heart.  After I left for college, we both started to head down different paths and make things happen for ourselves.  I started to notice that the girl who I was friends with was no longer there and I wasn’t sure if I could handle that.  I kept holding on to the memories of who we both were 10 years ago and didn’t want to admit that she wasn’t that person anymore and neither am I.  I do believe that a little sliver of ‘high school Jessica’ is still here and she pokes her head out every once in a while.  I just never saw that little sliver of her high school self poke out.  We had drifted so far apart that there was no way we would ever get close to how we were before.  I decided it was time to move on and close that chapter.  It was time to just remember the great times we had as teenagers and keep those memories of each other.  As I expected, she didn’t take it too well but I stand by my decision and I believe I will be better for it.  I wish her well and hope that she gets everything she ever wishes of and dreams for, she deserves that.

I’ve realized that life is so short and I need to make the most of it.  Because of this, I’m starting to realize that the people I spend time with are important.  I no longer care about having the most acquaintances or the largest network.  I care about having a rock solid team of people who I know I can count on.  I care about the quality, not the quantity of the people in my life.  For this reason, I’m closing doors and not looking back.  I have way too much to truly worry about and the company I keep can no longer bring me down.

The weight loss situation has kind of hit a wall.  I stopped attending the boot camp for a few reasons and I’m realizing how good it made me feel.  I don’t think I can afford to go back anytime soon but I WILL go back when I can.  I joined Weight Watchers about a month ago because it worked for me in high school and I knew it would work again.  Since I started it, I have lost a total of 6.6 pounds.  I consider this a major accomplishment because the 4th of July happened shortly after I joined and I gorged on a ton of food!  I have a goal in mind and I WILL get there, slowly but surely.

I don’t know how I will be spending my next 25 years, but I do know that they will be the best 25 of my life!

Boot Camp?

It has been a long while since I’ve last posted but a lot has been going on for myself and my family.  I have a new nephew who has a wonky heart but things seem to be going much better for him and I should be getting to meet him soon!

Here is something I never, ever thought I would say; I’ve joined a BOOT CAMP!  It’s not actually a true boot camp with all the yelling and making you miserable, it’s more about getting you active and teaching you that exercise can be fun.  The classes only last about 30-45 minutes depending on what we’re doing that day and they involve keeping your heart rate up.  I needed this class.  I could go to the gym by myself and do all of these exercises alone but I wouldn’t do it in the right amount of time to actually have it count.  I would do a regular 30 minute exercise in an hour just because I don’t have someone there timing me.  I would highly recommend Edge Body Boot Camp Omaha and Missy Henry, the trainer.

Today’s workout was a “Challenge Workout” that involved 2 minutes of Push-ups, 2 minutes of Lunges, 2 minutes of Ring Rows (basically pulling your self up using gymnast rings) and 2 minutes of planking.  I wrote everything down that I was able to do in the 2 minutes allowed and I did pretty well for only having attended 10ish classes.  I did 40 ring rows, 40 lunges, 31 push-ups (huge surprise) and then I was able to do a 34 sec. normal plank before I moved into a modified plank.  When we first started, I was only able to do a 10-15 sec. normal plank so I was ecstatic about that!  I have no upper body strength so being able to do 31 push-ups is huge for me as well.  After we had a few minutes to rest we went into a challenge called ‘Death by Box Jump’ which is exactly what it sounds like.  I didn’t use an actual box because I’m not that coordinated yet but I was able to use 2 weight plates as my jump platform.  When we started, we had 30 seconds to do 1 jump and then rest the remainder of the time.  Once that 30 sec. was over, we had 30 sec. do to 2 jumps and so on until we just couldn’t do anymore.  I am proud to say that I was able to do 10 jumps in 30 sec. before I had to switch to step-ups the rest of the way.  We all ended up stopping after 13 jumps/step-ups.  I can’t wait until the next challenge day so I can report back to you all with even higher numbers!  I don’t want to set any number goals just yet because I don’t want to feel defeated when/if I can’t meet that number but I do plan on being able to do more next time.

I do have to confess to everyone that I haven’t been eating the healthiest so I haven’t lost any weight just yet.  I am still the same weight that I was when I started but I am changing that right now.  I will be making healthier choices on a daily basis and Joe is being very supportive of this.  He keeps telling me that as long as I’m happy, he’ll support whatever I do so that helps a lot.  I also hope that the next time I update the blog, I’ve lost some weight to report back to you guys!

Thanks for reading!


My current body.  Seriously disgusted with myself because of this picture.

My current body. Seriously disgusted with myself because of this picture.

Yep.  That’s what I look like while standing in a dressing room at the mall after walking for about 3 hours and trying on only 4 items the whole day.  Joe and I had gone to Target earlier in the day to do some birthday shopping for my nephew and I thought I would try on some jeans since I need new ones for work.  I grabbed the same size I am currently wearing, a 16 short in a boot cut.  While I’m pulling them on, I’m saying to myself, “You’ve got this, these will fit!”  Well, they didn’t fit.  I had thought that the ones I wear every day had just shrunk in the dryer but nope, they really were too small and trying on a new pair just proved to me that I have gone too far.  I am the largest I have ever been.  I haven’t weighed myself because I’m afraid to.   I have cried every day for the last 2 weeks because I’m unhappy with myself and it’s causing major problems in every aspect of my life.  I have no confidence in myself and there are days where I don’t think I can do anything.  I remember this feeling from middle school and the beginning of high school when I was super self conscience and I hate the fact that I was once so sure of everything I did and now, I don’t really believe in myself.  I know that this line of thought is more unhealthy than my eating habits but I can’t stop thinking it.  I look in the mirror every day and all I see is the fat version of who I once was.  I see someone ashamed of who they are.  I would almost even say that I hate myself for letting things get this far.

I have always looked for the easiest way to do something and my body is no different.  I got this way because I hate exercise and I love food.  I love the feeling of feeling full and I really love chocolate and fried food and ranch dressing.  I have learned that I have almost an addictive personality in regard to food.  If I like it, I’ll eat it until it’s gone and then I’ll want more.  I am the type of person who is going to have to force myself to work-out more than twice a week and I am going to have to basically stop eating.  When I say ‘basically stop eating’ I don’t mean anything extreme.  It’s my way of telling myself that I need to eat only when I’m hungry and that the food I put in my body has to be for nutrition only, not for pleasure.  This drastic and crazy mindset might work or it might fail miserably but I’ll never know until I try it out.

All I know is that I have to make a difference and I have to change everything I am doing.  I need to lose 70 pounds and I need to do it the healthy way so it never comes back.  I never want to be the Jessica who is typing this out today.  I am unhappy with this Jessica and I will change.  I have to.


I am incredibly overwhelmed with the amount of support I have been given these last few weeks.  I knew that I needed to make this public and have other people hold me accountable but I never thought I would see the level of support and help that I have already.  I have a group of girls who are willing to work out with me every Monday night and a great friend in Denver who is keeping me honest by doing daily check-ins of our diet and exercise.

My Monday night workouts are not just a workout night, they are going to help me stay in contact with people who I don’t get to see very often.  It will also give us all an opportunity to gossip without our husbands/boyfriends/children getting in the way!  I decided that having them come to my apartment at a certain time will force me to actually work out and utilize my apartment gym.  Once I’ve gotten the hang of that, I will be using the other gym (the one I pay for) during the week as well.

My daily check-ins with Emmy are not only a way to keep us honest and have to report to someone who we trust, but it’s going to be amazing to actually be able to talk to her everyday!  I miss her more than I thought I would when she moved away and no matter what the topic is, I get excited to talk to her!

The other fantastic supporter that I have in my life is Joe.  He is willing to eat whatever I make for dinner.  He even said that in front of witnesses so he can’t deny it!  He knows that a huge part of my weight gain over the last 5 years has been because all we do is go out to dinner and eat unhealthy foods.  He knows that I am trying to add more and more fresh foods into my life so he’s willing to try new things.  I can’t even begin to thank him enough for that kind of support!  I can’t even begin to thank EVERYONE for their support!  I knew that I could do this by myself but knowing that I don’t have to is the best feeling in the world.  Thank you all for everything you are doing to help me out. 🙂

I want to leave you with an update on the Vitamin D situation.  I was taking the vitamin every day for a week without the knowledge that I also needed to up my fiber intake.  This lack of information lead to me leaving work early one day because of the amount of pain I was in.  I spent that night and the next day laying on the couch/bed/floor in what can only be described as the worst pain I’ve ever been in.  Joe went out and bought me fiber this and fiber that to try and help things move along and about 40 hours after the first wave of pain, things finally happened for me!  I am now eating more fiber than my body has room for so I never have to experience that again!

Once again, thank you all for your support and actually taking the time to read this.  You are all helping me out!

And so it begins…

Looking back, starting this right before the holidays was a bad idea!  But let’s get going.

The past few months I have been having some health issues that were also symptoms of diabetes.  I have a family history of diabetes (type 1 and 2) and I was getting a little worried so I finally broke down and had an appointment yesterday to have some tests done.  I got the results back this morning and I’m happy to say that I am not diabetic!  I am, however, super Vitamin D deficient.  Some of the research I’ve done says that your Vitamin D levels should be around 50 or so.  Well…mine is at 16 (yeah….not good).  I’m now taking a D-3 supplement every day and should be back to normal on that end pretty soon!

The other problem that they found is that my triglycerides and LDL Cholesterol are high.  For a normal 25 year old woman, my triglycerides should be around 150 but I’m up at 187 and with the LDL (bad) Cholesterol, I should be at 100 but I’m rocking a 154.  In order to lower these numbers, I need to eat more protein and whole grains and less fatty, processed foods.  I’m also supposed to be exercising and loosing 1-2 pounds a week.

Currently, I weigh 202 pounds and am 5′ 4″ tall.  This is the heaviest I have ever been and ever plan on being.  According to the BMI chart, I am obese.  Yep, obese.  Obese, obese, obese.  No matter how many times I type it, I still don’t believe it.  In order to get to the correct and healthy number on the chart, I need to loose somewhere between 60 to 80 pounds.  This is why I’m starting back up again and having some of my friends keep me honest with this.  I need to put this all out there and actually have someone/thing to hold me responsible for my actions and my life.  I am going to loose the weight.  I am going to eat healthier.  I am going to lower my numbers.  I am going to do this.  I might stumble and crash and burn a few times, but I’m not going to give up this time.

If you stay tuned, my lady balls might actually be big enough to post a few before pictures next time!



This is my first time.  First blog, first post, first everything.  Please, bear with me while I learn the basics of everything and get everything settled the way I like it.

I guess I should tell you why I started the blog in the first place.  Well, one morning while I was getting ready for work I found out that the shirt I grabbed to wear had shrunk in the dryer.  (At least that’s what I’m telling myself)  I’m sure that it did shrink a bit but I’m also sure that I grew.  I broke down crying that the shirt I had bought just 4 months prior was now too small to actually feel comfortable wearing it.  It probably didn’t help that this happened 3 days before the 13th anniversary of my dad’s death and I was already pretty emotional to begin with.

Me goal isn’t to make this a weight loss/eating right/getting healthy blog.  It’s to actually motivate myself to get where I want to be.  If I make this whole thing public and post every high and low, every goal achieved and missed, every success and fail, then maybe I will actually accomplish what I want this time.  What I want isn’t to be ‘skinny’ or be a certain weight (although being back to my high school weight would be nice).  My goal is to be healthy and happy with myself.  I need to be able to look in the mirror and see what my boyfriend sees everyday.  I’m tired of not believing him when he tells me I’m sexy or beautiful.  I’m tired of trying on XL shirts and size 16 dresses/pants and have them not fit.  I REFUSE to allow myself gain anymore weight.

I do not know what my current weight is and I do not have any current pictures to post today for you.  That will happen in tomorrow’s post.  I WILL post a picture of myself in a bathing suit and I WILL tell the world my true weight, not just the number I told the DMV.

This is it.  Please, join me on my journey.